Pride Cometh Before a Fall

The good news is: I don’t have Corona Virus.

The bad news is: How I came to find that out.

July is the month that I usually do my annual check-up. So, last Monday I went to the doctor to get a bunch of prescriptions to take to clinic. I had an EKG, blood and urine work and made an appointment for a mammogram. I intended to make an appointment with the Gastro doctor for my bi-annual endoscopy (I’m never sure if bi-annual means twice a year or every 2 years. In my case it means every 2 years). 

So, why the title of Pride….? Well, you will remember my last post with the picture of my wedding and how after seeing a picture of Maureen O’Hara, I saw some similarities and finally realized that I was actually quite pretty. If you haven’t read that, Shame on You! Go to the bottom of this post and subscribe to marywilsonswriting.com and you will see all my little stories.

No doubt, the events of last Friday, which led to getting a Covid-19 test, were God’s way of punishing me  for my sinful pride in posting a story about my looks.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a joke! Of course I don’t believe that! But even my friend, Patty, admonished me for fishing for compliments! And upon finishing the story, I also had a thought that someone might think that.

Here, I must interject a little explanation for my non-American friends who might not understand the bragging. I am mimicking Donald Trump’s unending pronouncements that he is THE BEST this and that, and nobody can believe how smart he is, and how he considers himself a Stable Genius, and how he aced a cognitive test by identifying an elephant correctly!!!!

Friday, I was walking Ruby (my dog), as I do every morning between 8-9 o’clock, and toward the end of the walk, right in the middle of the piazza, I fell. I am the best Faller! No one falls better than I! Everyone says so! I tumble in the most spectacular ways! In fact, if it weren’t for all the blood, I’m sure the piazza would have erupted in spontaneous applause as I went down!!

But instead of applause, someone helped me to a chair in one of the restaurants (outside of course) and someone else called an ambulance. I don’t remember any of this. I suppose I blacked out but don’t know why.  I didn’t want to go in the ambulance, but when I said that, the EMT urged me to go because my blood pressure was up around 200. That’s pretty high, so I assented to go in the ambulance.

Dante, of course, was sleeping and it took my neighbor, who was just out getting a little air and came upon the scene, to wake him up. Several of the people, including one of the EMTs, tried to take Ruby to my house, but he wouldn’t budge. He stayed there, right between my legs, looking so worried that when I got into the ambulance, they let him come in and sit with me until Dante, finally awakened, came up to take him home. Dante also brought my purse and phone. So off we went down the hill in the ambulance with the siren blazing! It was quite a ride! They had to put a collar on me so I couldn’t even move my head and the turns and cobble-stone streets made me nauseous!

We arrived at the hospital around 10:30 am and I was wheeled into a room. Naturally, the Pronto Soccorso (Emergency Room) was overflowing with all kinds of ailments. The poor man who was brought in right after me, was crying with pain. I think he broke his back. So, with the triage system they use, I was basically at the end of the line. It was 3 hours before I could signal someone to please get my phone from my purse so I could call Dante. I asked Dante where he was, kind of expecting that he’d be in the waiting room. But with Covid, of course, no one is allowed inside the hospital except the patients. I was really disappointed because I was hoping he could bring me my kindle, since it was clearly going to be a long day. So I told him I’d call when they released me. I didn’t expect it would be another 5 hours. They were very busy.

Naturally, from the time the ambulance left the piazza, I had to pee. It’s just the way it is at my age.

I finally flagged down a nurse and asked if I could use the bathroom. Silly me! Of course not! With the collar on, I was not allowed to get up. She offered a bed pan. I declined. The man on the gurney behind me was having the same problem and a nurse brought him an apparatus to pee into. Naturally, he missed, and the nurse then had to clean him and the gurney up.  Finally, around 2:30 pm, I was moved into another room, but still it took another hour for the team to start working on me. They had the report from the ambulance, so they knew the basics of my situation. Then the testing began! The first thing was blood pressure. Down to 150/80. Moving in the right direction. I said I had just gone through my annual tests, but they said that was before I fell so it could be all changed.

After picking pieces of my broken teeth out of my lips, which now resemble a very bad botox job,  they started with a Tetanus shot, which hurt like hell. (It still hurts!), then blood work, then an EKG. Then I was to go down to have an MRI and X-rays, but I was told that one of the machines was broken and it would be another hour before we could go there.  And I still had to pee! I begged to be let go to the bathroom and finally, a nurse was summoned to accompany me 2 doors down the hall. Whew!! I think it was only because the doctor, who was finally in the room, was a woman that she let me get up.  OK, I could settle in and wait now. Around  4:30, they took me down for the MRI and X-rays. They X-rayed my ribs because I had some pain there. My right boob is quite colorful, but it showed no fractures. The doctor told me that sometimes there can be hairline fractures that don’t show up on the X-ray, but there’s really nothing to do about that.

The doctor thought she saw something amiss and ordered an ultra-sound. That turned out normal.  That was the last test except for another blood pressure test..Down to 130/79..Normal for me..OK I’ve had enough. Time to go. A few more tests. Follow the finger..How many fingers do you see?..Close your eyes, touch your nose…What’s today’s date?…Put your right ankle on your left knee.. I aced the test! No one ever had such a high score! The doctors were amazed! And also negative for Covid-19. Positively Negative! No one has ever been so Negative. I aced another test! I’ve always said that I’m a stable genius!

The nurse called Dante to come and get me ( my cell phone battery died). We stopped on the way home at the farmacia to get a prescription filled for an anti-inflammatory and Dante bought me a pint of gelato, which felt very nice on my swollen lips.

I will return on Monday to my doctor and dentist with the report from the hospital and we’ll see what’s next. I cancelled my appointment for a mammogram!! OUCH!!!